How We Really See Life
by Lone Panda
Summary: A collection of poems for all the goodies, baddies, and everything inbetween of Harry Potter. Rated T for mild language. Warning: Serious Rhymage.
1. I'm in a mood

**AN: Hey, what's up? I was reading this poem on somebody's profile. It was the one about all of the people who died in the 7th book, and I couldn't help but think, 'Care to elaborate?' So my insane little mind came up with all these poems. I myself find them chuckle-worthy. So just read on, and let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: I can't believe I forgot to put this on my other story, 'Finding Grace'. Oh well. I'm too lazy to go back and fix it, so I'll just say it here. I don't own Harry Potter.**

**# # #**

"**Mad-Eye"**

He who always thought the ridiculous possible,

Which everyone thought of as implausible.

He who was so paranoid that he'd double back even if he were going to the grocery store,

Which everyone thought he was crazy for.

He who was a victim of a terrible scheme, ending up so weak he couldn't utter the counter curse "Nox"

And spent most of Harry's fourth year locked in a really cool box.

He who had a right to be paranoid, as the whole kick-ass plot of the story

Was filled with secrets, and slightly gory.

All I can say about Mad-Eye is, as his world was going dim,

His last thought was of Mundungus, probably along the growling lines of, "I'm going to kill him..."

# # #

**AN: There you go. Next chapter is a certain insane psycho's. By the by, I'll just add the poems whenever. I've already got the first four done. Fred's will be the last in this collection. Sorry, but that's the way it stands. ****Oh yeah. Sorry it's short, but I really didn't feel in the mood to write a seriously long epic.**


	2. I caught a sickness called 'The Crazies'

**AN: This one is my favorite.:) Though the ending I made for the Voldemort one made me laugh, too. Sigh...there's no telling what this poem will look like when I add the chapter. FF net always seems to screw up my stories some way or another. Anyways, just hurry up and read.**

**Disclaimer: I don't claim to own any part of Harry Potter.**

**# # #**

"**Bellatrix Lestrange"**

We all know she had the hots for You-Know-Who.  
I'm happy that now I can say,  
(And this is a fact)  
"Just be glad she wasn't in love with _you_."

She was always good at being herself.  
You might say she was just a natural "witch".  
She was so good at being one, in fact,  
that you'd want to meet her just to say, _"Up yours, bitch!"_

She killed good old Sirius,  
her cousin by relations.  
At least before she left the scene, you can bet  
he sent a few gestures and proclamations.

Yes, she killed a lot and tortured plenty,  
how devious she was.  
But don't insult her, mind you,  
she'd never take things gently.

Why, I think we all leapt for joy  
when Molly cast the curse,  
that sent poor dear Bellatrix  
leaving in a hearse.

Now, I have just one last thing to say,  
and I hope to drive home true.  
We all know what I think of Bellatrix...  
...how about you?

**# # #**

**AN: So, what did you think? Please bear in mind, my computer is stupid, and I didn't check with my beta on these poems. I was hoping to surprise them!:)**


	3. I wear Fuzzies and Knee Highs

**AN: Yup, here's the Dobby one. No worries, Rupster. This one was the next chapter, anyways. You know what, screw it, I'll just add the Voldemort poem right after this one and get to the other poems later. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I would be rich. As I'm not, I think you know what that means.**

* * *

**"Dobby"**

He loved what the rest of us took for granted.

Freedom.  
Kindness.  
And Socks.

How would you feel if you had to walk around barefoot?

Socks are important!

Dobby gained his freedom with one.  
He was shown kindness with one.  
And now he's bound to have all the socks he could dream of!

And, yeah...  
I guess all those other clothing types are important too.

But they aren't nearly as far up on the 'Awesome Scale' as Socks are!

Can you wear a mismatched pair of pants?  
No!

How about a shirt?  
That's only one, not two!

You could wear a pair of mismatched shoes, true...  
But really, who gives a damn about those anyway?

Dobby is better than most people, and wizards, for that matter.

He's free.  
He's kind.  
And he loves socks.

* * *

**AN: Okay, there it is. Voldemort (Gasp! I said his name!) is next.**


	4. I enter the Movie Franchise

**AN: I'm not particularly happy with this one, even if I do love the ending. It didn't flow the way I wanted it too, and is a bit lengthy where other parts are short and to the point. Does that make sense? Whatever. It still counts because it rhymes!**

**Disclaimer: We've been over this many times before.**

* * *

"**Lord Voldemort"**

I'm not sure where to start with you.  
But I'll give it a shot.  
You're cruel, you're mean, and I wish someone would have stuck you to the floor with glue.|  
It's such a shame it couldn't happen, too bad you played a key part in the plot.

What else describes you?  
I'm only getting started.  
When people see you, their moods turn foul and blue,  
And it's not doubted they wish you had departed.

No wonder you're such a sour lemon,  
With all the crap tossed your way.  
But I suppose seeing a wanna-be demon  
Could muck up anyone's day.

Now I'm still not done with you, I forgot to mention you're old.  
If someone were to touch your hand, they'd surely wail,  
For it's frigid and ice cold.  
And one final thing you should know about your skin; it's really pale.

_Ring Ring!  
_"Hello?"

...Well, this is a juicy bit.  
Twilight called. It seems they're quite disturbed.  
Appears Robert Pattinson quit.  
They need you to play Edward.

* * *

**AN: If you didn't think the ending was as funny as you were expecting, well, not my problem. Deal with it. That's it for now, don't know when I'll do the next one.**


	5. I live on in Bedtime Stories

**AN: Sorry for the wait. My imagination sucks at times, but here you go. The one for Tonks.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.**

* * *

"**Nymphadora Tonks"**

Why, come here, little one, and settle upon my knee  
and I will tell a story you'll love, just wait, and see.

It's about my dear old Mum.  
Her name was Tonks, unique and not like some.

She was the bravest of brave.  
She gave her life to save.

Not only me, but others too,  
so that we could live for children like you.

Now listen up, and quiet down.  
Quit acting like a clown!

My sweet grandchild, don't you see?  
She died fighting, she died for you and me.

She was unlike any other.  
My sweet and clumsy, fiery mother...

* * *

**AN: I just liked the thought of Teddy telling stories about his parents to his grandchildren. Seemed right.**


	6. I should've stayed Eating Cheese

**AN: Hi all. Enjoy the chapter, as I kind of had a good time writing it. I wrote it under my favorite writing conditions; listening to Owl City (I'm not sure why that's my preferred writing music, but it is.), with a cold Dr. Pepper on one side and my faithful sock monkey George on the other. Good times! Thanks for the sock monkey, Emily!:D This chapter's for you!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the wonderful world of Harry Potter.**

* * *

"**Peter Pettigrew"**

All in all, I hope you see  
that Peter Pettigrew wasn't what he  
was supposed to be.

A Gryffindor he was sorted,  
his title of courage he aborted  
without shame when he deported

And stabbed his friends in the back,  
for he had not the knack  
to see that his master was likely on crack.

All those years he layed down low  
until he could deliver a blow  
which ended the world we all know.

His time run out, the filthy man  
transformed into vermin, then ran  
to stay forever hidden again.

At the end of his life, of course,  
he showed a sort of grim remorse,  
which ended for him worse for worse.

He should've stayed as a rat, no worse for wear,  
with scraggly fur and fleas to share.  
At least then all he had to worry about was poison there.

* * *

**AN: I really should get a beta for these, but I'm kinda having fun winging it and producing random crap off the top of my head. Because that's always fun!**


	7. I crave Raw Meat and a Flea Collar

**AN: Yippee! School's out, school's out, school's out! Yahoo! In return for my happiness since the school year is done, accept this poem of our favorite werewolf! No, not Fenrir; he's a jerk. You know, the nice werewolf.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned any part of Harry Potter, he might be missing an arm. As he's not, you know I don't own it.**

* * *

"**Remus Lupin"**

Now, you might have heard before,  
By a rumor or some silly folklore,  
That Remus Lupin, a reluctant beast,  
Should not be trusted in the least.

What a lie, I'd have to say.  
That's impossible to this day,  
For he was kind and wise as the best,  
Even if he had a bit of hair on his chest.

Helping Harry at the youngster's darkest times,  
(And I know you're getting sick of all these rhymes,  
Yet stay with me to the end!)  
For then you shall see his heart mend.

Because though he's lost all his friends,  
And he still has an unending curse that will not bend,  
The life of a young woman, not mild,  
And the happiness of his one child,

Are what keep him going through his final hours,  
Casting curses, hexes, with magic powers.  
His life was happy, though he thought naught,  
Because he had what others sought.

* * *

**AN: Yes! Two more chapter's, and we're done! Although I'm trying to think of which villain to do next...Any suggestions? They have to be evil. And dead. Those are pretty much the only limitations.**


	8. I love Sipping my Tea

**AN: Yippee! One more chapter and we're done! Okay, my friend Faith and I are just going to assume Fenrir Greyback is dead, as he is taken down in the seventh book, okay? Okay. Here you go.**

**Disclaimer: I almost forgot this. I had to go back to Doc Manager Upload to add it, hehe.:) I don't own HP.**

* * *

"**Fenrir Greyback"**

A wolf, a man, a hairy old goon,  
Who spent his time under the moon

Was Fenrir Greyback, snarling and all,  
With all his teeth, and all his gall.

He was not one to sip his tea,  
But one who loved to kill with glee,

To bite and transform innocent ones,  
And take the lives of father and son.

Perhaps if he had not been turned,  
Those people would not have to mourn

There's no use wishing, it does no good,  
Like searching for a bone in the wood.

Taken down by Neville and Ron,  
He will not live to see anon.  
(Let's hope.)

* * *

**AN: Who sees the Goblet of Fire allusion?:D Anyone? Well, I hope you do, as it's obvious. Anyways, today is the one year anniversary of my officially joining FFnet! Yahoo! Hurray for me and whatnot...**


	9. I'm Dead so PLEASE Stop Rhyming about It

**AN: Last poem! As promised, it's subject is our favorite Fred Weasley. Thank you all for reading, and ESPECIALLY to those who reviewed. The rest who didn't review I'm also thanking, but, you know...those who review are special.:)**

* * *

"**Fred Weasley"  
****(Or George, we never COULD tell them apart)**

A prankster, a friend, a brother,  
And deathly frightened by his mother.

A salesman, a jokester, a twin,  
And easily accusable of every sin.

Guilt did not bother him,  
And he pulled pranks on whim.

Together with his twin, he was  
A great prankster for a great cause,

To make people laugh and sound  
Like everywhere joy was abound.

Fiery red hair adorned his head,  
And across his face freckles spread.

His eyes held a mischievous twinkle,  
And he had a smile which would make their edges crinkle.

These features which set him apart  
Could make other people jump with a start,

When seen with his twin, the two of them were  
Two of a kind, they were that and more.

A bit more malevolent heart and soul  
Separated he and his twin like a distinguishing mole.

The end came for one twin, like it does for all others,  
so he left his parents, sister, and brothers.

His spirit lives on through his twin and the times,  
Though they'd BOTH probably kill me for making you sit through these rhymes.

* * *

**AN: All thoughts are welcomed, so don't be shy. Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you took the time to read all these poems!:D**


End file.
